Suntan in a bottle – what you need to know!

Suntan in a bottle – what you need to know!
What would you do if you needed a tan within 24 hours? And the weather report said rain? That’s what I thought…you would go for something in a bottle or some dressed up plastic container made to look like Florida sunshine had just taken hold of you. But there are so many choices, and instant tan isn’t cheap. It isn’t like laying in the sun for a few miserable hours, getting hot and sweaty, trying to get darker, only to lay there too long and red is what you get.
My problem last week was that I had recently bought some shorts. First rule – if you are going to buy shorts and then wear them, do something about your legs first…or at least have a plan. White legs with tan shorts looks just like white legs with tan shorts…not very good. And good is what I wanted.
So I went shopping, and there were so many choices at the local Rite-Aid. At first I thought I was smart and when this young energetic shopping assistant with an appropriate name tag walked by, I struck and did my usual, “I have a dumb question” and asked where L’OREAL tanning lotions were. Now, I had never bought anything by L’OREAL before in my life, but a good friend who suggested I buy the shorts suggested this was the way to go. So I went to the shelf where they were located.
There were “sprays”, “instant tans”, “tans in two weeks”…all guaranteed. But guaranteed to do what? And most importantly could they do it in 24 hours? After taking pictures and texting them and asking for advice, I made my decision and got a L’OREAL product that was described with words like “New” “Sublime Bronze Self-Tanning Lotion”, “Streak Free” and most importantly a “Medium Natural Tan”. These words were printed in large, bold type across the front of the plastic container, which held the future to my tanning life. This could change everything!
But on the back, in very small print, so small that you would need 3.0 reading glasses to figure out what to do, were the words “Apply evenly all over body”.
How do you apply evenly all over your back which you can’t reach? And for some reason I didn’t think ankles were a part of my body so no need to apply there. But the rest of me was covered in my new lotion, and after a few hours, I was dark. But of course the perfection part of me took over, and I decided the next day, I needed more, so I went after my legs, but not my ankles, again. And by that evening, I looked like a two tone person, and not in a good way. And if you had seen my back, it looked pretty cool except for this large rectangle white space, sort of like a football field, that looked as if winter was still here.
The good news is that it is all fake and temporary. If it is true that a bad haircut for guys can be fixed within ten days of growth, then a phony tan can go away as well, and you get to start all over again. But next time, experience will have counted, and there will be only one tan…spread evenly everywhere and dark as a summer day in July. For only ten dollars, you too can look this way!

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